Maui

True friends are hard to find, keep the real one's

Well… two weeks into my new life, and there are up’s and downs as usual.

The up’s are that I love my new life. My job is interesting and not taxing on my physical wellbeing.
It is more that I have to think and come up with new ideas, which I find I am quite good at. I get to travel around the island, meeting new friends. I also will be traveling inter island to Maui, Kauai and the Big Island [which I have never been to] as well as New York, LA and possibly Hong Kong.
This job is perfect for me!

I like my apartment, it is in the heart of Waikiki, where I can walk everywhere [traffic is AWFUL]
there are fun places to eat and mix with other single people. :}

The downs…I had another supposed friend turn on me. But I am used to that, so no big deal. Move on.

The worst thing is that I had a box stolen/lost that I shipped from LA and in it was my external hard drive with ALL of my photographs that I have taken in the last 10 years on in.
That hurts!

Africa, Nova Scotia, Venezuela, Maine, Out West, Montana, Florida all of the memories gone.

Once, in another life, I went to Italy and took a whole lot of photos of the Florence area. When traveling to Venice, in the train station my camera bag was stolen. $4000 in camera equipment and all my photographs disappeared in an instant.

I freaked!

We never made it to Venice. We hoped a plane and went home.
I know I made the other person that was with me miserable, and I deeply regret that.

I just did not know how to handle it.  I do now.

I am praying that the person who has it will mail it back to my address on the box. If not… I will go on and make new memories.

So such is life. Already looking for a larger apartment. Maybe in the Kailua area? It is expensive there, so maybe I can share a house with someone.
My friend Debra used to live there. And I have very fond feelings for that area.

Thank God for Jeff, my son’s father. I would not be able to rent anything if not for him.
Debra always said Jeff and I were always best friends, and would be again someday.
We just let marriage get in the way of it. And her death brought us back together.

A Golden Life

Whales came into the harbor down the street from my apt! I guess they got lost, and just swam up to all the ships.
Everything came to a standstill. It is against the law to approach them with in 100 feet I think.

It is awesome living here. I am so much happier than in LA.

It would have been nice to have a special person to share it with, to share life with, but that will come.
I always dreamed that it would be my husband. But that was not meant to be.

I already have men coming up to talk to me. Is there a vibe that women have that tells men you are available? Maybe an aura? What ever it is it is working.

My job is going well. Everyone is so nice to me and supportive.

My boss love’s me. He can appreciate that I am a smart, intuitive person who can get things done.
I am starting a blog for the business about Beauty. I do a lot of research on products to carry, and have gotten him 3 new lines to sell.

My car arrives on Monday. I will be so glad to have it back.

The only thing left will be to rent a place that allows dogs, and get my Dylan over here.
Thank God for Kim who is taking such good care of him.

He is all I have left of my old life, and I miss him terribly.

Dylan loves the water, so I know he will adapt to Hawaii life very easily.

Last year I was in London and it was so cold and damp. The kind of cold that you cant get warm from no matter how many clothes you put on. UGH! And it is expensive!!
And when I went back to Maryland I got so sick I almost died. No thank you.

My friends who live outside of London are going to Mexico in a couple of weeks. I told them their next trip has to be to Hawaii!

I am already planning my next vacation! Will it be Hong Kong where Jeff and Manny live, and have offered an open invite? Or the Cook Islands? Maybe back to New Zealand, as my friend Leslie has a place there.

Everyone says that I took a bad situation and turned it into gold. I have to thank God for that.

The future looks so good from here.

Kailua

my view

view from my bedroom

Aloha Lani Moku

My heavenly island. That is my new life. I landed 2 days ago, in Oahu, and I can tell you that nothing has changed for me.

I love Hawaii as much as I ever did. And now that I am back, I never plan to leave.

I had a drive around the island today, and the traffic has really ramped up!

The last time I was here was 19 yrs ago on my honeymoon and we stayed with my best friend Debra.
We were on our way to New Zealand for 3 months, and stayed with Deb for 2 weeks.

Now they are both gone.

A very sad feeling for me indeed.

I met a Puna [hawaiian psychic] yesterday who insisted on doing a reading of me. He told me things that he had no way of knowing. I never said a word, and he just started to tell me about my son, grandson, and
my ex-husband. Very twilight zone.
He told me that I was meant to be back here in Hawaii and that I would not be leaving. And that I was to meet a tall man who would be my next love and change my life. Interesting.

I got a studio apartment that is in Waikiki with a killer view of the ocean, Diamond head and the canal!

I miss Dylan soooo much. And that will be the next thing for me to do is get him here.

My job will be good because I make my own hours and basically drive around to all the salons and spas and sell our products. I also hope to pick up some side jobs doing hair for extra income.

My life has definitely come 180 degrees.

Good Bye 2011- Hello 2012

This blog was started almost a year ago to help me express feelings that I could not other wise get out at the time.
I was in a position where I was in great anguish, and could not afford a shrink or a pill.

Sooo the realm of the blogsphere has become my outlet.

Some people expressed their alarm at how angry I sounded.

Yes, that is part of the journey I have taken.

But so was excitement for a new adventure. Wonderment at a new city life I have experienced. Gratefulness for the friends and family that showed so much mercy for me by listening to my woes. Great sadness at the end of love. Fear of the unknown. Despair at losing my world.
And now at last…

Happiness.

Happiness that I am returning to where my heart has lived these past 23 years since I left.
No, really 28 years, since I first saw her.
I think I always knew that someday I would live here again

I am about to embark on a new adventure, alone, to live and work in Hawaii.
It is a dream come true.

After the last 3 years it was really hard for me to accept that a new life was possible without pain and stress and anger.

But it is like the calm after a huge storm, and a blue sky appears with a nice breeze.

Having been offered a job, and security there, the company is flying me out in January right after my birthday.

It seems fitting that my new life starts at the beginning of a new promising year.

Good bye 2011!
It started and ended with sadness. But the new year is banishing all that.

And so for this blog there will be no more anger or bitterness. I deleted some posts that I made which were beneath me. I am not that person who wishes others bad.

It shows just what a demon anger is.

I prefer to go towards the light. I will forgive, and maybe one day forget.

That is one thing for the islands. You find it so easy to forget there. And just existing there brings happiness.
p.s. keep watching for photos to come

This was so profound that I had to share

Dating after a divorce is just like getting back on the horse, right?

Well, not so much.

It certainly is not the same as dating before marriage, and frankly, I think it takes a lot of courage on the part of both the male and the female to “get out there again.” You’ve got to feel ready to date, you need to find the right place to look for a date, and you’ve got to find the right one to date. At least it seems those are the right questions to answer before dating, but I found – and you may have as well – that it’s just not that simple.

Popular belief in today’s society holds that the key to getting over a divorce is to find someone new. Friends and relatives always had “the perfect person” they wanted to set me up with and went to great lengths to talk me into going on dates. But what they didn’t understand and I found a difficult time articulating was a new relationship would not be the cure for the massive emptiness I felt from my divorce.

In my opinion, there are three key mistakes people make when dating after a divorce and I would like to help you avoid them. The first one, and the main subject of this article, is very simple and almost always overlooked: Many people are simply not healed enough to date and begin new relationships.

I remember once during my post-divorce years going to confession to a very wise priest, Fr. Carlton, and discussing with him how I was feeling about my ex-spouse and the frustration he was still putting me through three years after our divorce. During this confession, Fr. Carlton said to me, “You say you want to love, but how can you love when your heart is so full of resentment and bad feelings?”

Wow.

That was a potent question and one that gave me much to think about. How could I love another man when my heart was full of these unresolved, painful feelings? Where was the room for love?

An imprisoned heart

I knew Fr. Carlton was right. I needed to rid my heart of the bad feelings toward my ex-spouse. I needed to forgive him.

I realized that my heart was like a prison where he was locked in a cell. Periodically, I would take him out and argue with him, telling him all the things I wished I had said when I remembered our arguments. Then I’d put him back in the cell and leave him there until the next time I decided to abuse him.

It was awful.

The worst thing about this was I was the one suffering the most from my lack of forgiveness. I expended an incredible amount of energy just being angry or upset. It also led me to believe that I could not trust men anymore, and that also had to be dealt with. A new relationship and possibly marriage would have to be, must be based on mutual trust and respect. Without it, there is nothing but a meaningless attraction.

So I worked hard on truly forgiving my ex-spouse. Forgiveness is a process and something I found I needed to do every day. The way I was able to achieve this was through practicing something else, too: acceptance.

I needed to accept the fact that I could not control the things my ex-spouse was doing, saying, or thinking. His leaving our marriage, his new lifestyle, and the reasons he gave others for all that was a source of incredible pain for me.

But I had to accept the fact that I could not control him. There simply was nothing I could do about it, so I had to let go of that and look to what I could control. That was my own actions, thoughts, and words.

I also had to accept that even though I was a good wife and fought for my marriage, I was not perfect. I had contributed to the break-up of my marriage in my own ways and I needed accept my faults and contributions to the divorce. This was not easy to do, but gradually, it helped me stop laying all the blame on others for my anger and pain.

Taking these two steps helped me tremendously in getting rid of the terrible feelings that were taking up room in my heart. In good time, I felt confident that if my ex-spouse ever walked into the same room I was in, I could walk up and shake his hand. And my heart became truly a place for love. Not simply love for someone new, but more importantly, for Christ. Through that exercise I found a greater love for God than I had ever experienced and it gave me joy and a great sense of peace.

Looking Forward

It is amazing to me how completely my life has changed in the last 3 years.
In a lot of ways for the good, and in some not so good.
Last year I was in my own home, with a business {I was working very hard to hold on to} but no money.
2 years before that I was [I thought] happily married to a man I adored and believed I would love till I died.
Having opened a beautiful salon, I wanted so badly to succeed at, mainly so we would have some sort of retirement. Living in a small town on the eastern shore of Maryland.

I am now living in California. And it is wonderful! Other than Hawaii, it is my favorite place to live.
I moved from LA up to Carmel, but things didn't work out quite the way I imagined.
The salon I was to work in was not as busy as I was led to believe, and the owner is controlling and crazy.

So, I am once again LA bound.

This is actually a good thing. I love the city! There is lots of energy, and things to do day and night.
Like New York, you can go out any time and find what you want.
Plus I have friends there.

There are plenty of salons there for me to find the right fit.  Early in my career, having a natural talent for it, I chose to specialize in hair color and now coming full circle I know I made the right choice.

My divorce from He-who-must-not-be-named [for you Harry Potter fans] is proceeding, and of course he blames me for everything. I still think of him often. And hope that someday I wont.

That is normal right?

Well, it has been a long time now, and someday soon my life will be settled in a positive way.

I think it is so hard for me because the love I felt for so long ended so abruptly. Without any explanation.

Well I am not the first to go through this, and I wont be the last. Sad, sad.

End of an Era

I received divorce papers last week.

When someone tell’s you time heals all wounds, they are so right. If this happened last year, I would have been so broken. But today, although really sad, I know that I will not only survive I will thrive.

You cant spend close to 20 yrs with someone and not miss them.
I have weathered the storm, and am loosing the anger, moving forward in forgiveness.

Without that my future would be scarred.

This is due to making myself change. Moving away was the first step.
This journey was to heal, and find my destiny.

Well, it looks like that is in California. In Carmel, on the Monterey coast.

Wow!

Since I arrived here I have been looking for the right spot for Dylan and me.

First I thought San Diego. It is beautiful, great weather, very artsy. Somehow I didn’t feel it.
I couldn’t SEE myself there. At least right now.

Then Santa Monica, Beverly Hills, Hollywood area.
I REALLY love Santa Monica.
But again I didn’t see my life there. I looked for a job there, and could easily have gotten one, but for what I would pay in rent it would be tough for a while. It has great weather, the beach and lot’s going on.
My job is commission and I would be struggling for a while, as there are so many hair stylist there.

So I am going to try Carmel and the area around there.

I believe in signs. And I have to say this seems to me to be a great sign that I have arrived at the place that God wanted me to be.

And for the first time in 3 years, I am happy.

So for all those that read this blog, that are going through a bad time.
Just let go.
All of those things that we are afraid to loose, all of the pain from divorce and having your life turned upside down, just let the spirit lead you.

Because you can not do it alone.

What are the chances that I would leave my life, drive out west [having never been here before].
Find a great job [in this bad economy] already have friends here and make new friends and be offered a safe place to live with my best friend Dylan [my border collie]?

Last year I could not get out of bed because the pain was too much.
The massive debt and struggle to hold on to my home and business were devastating.
It all made me sick. To the point I almost died. I couldn’t eat for a month. I lost 20 lb.’s.

But it was not my time yet. God has other plans for me. And I guess it is in California!

So now although I am sad that my marriage is over, I look forward to my future.
And it looks better than ever.

Thanks to all of my friends and family that have given me their support and love.
But most of all I give thanks to God for giving me the strength to make this happen.

When life stands still

Last night the stars became dimmer in my world.

 My son Justin, who is visiting me in LA, got a call that his best friend was stabbed to death by a 17 yr old who came to his apt to rob him. Pat, who is blind was the kindest soul. Having lost his sight when he was 18 to eye disease, Pat went on to collage, had just finished his degree and was looking forward to buying his first home.

The world stood still for a second, while we tried to process this. But how can you?
On a breath our lives have been changed forever. And the pain of that is indescribable.

July 18 2006 my world was changed in the same way when my best friend was murdered by her boyfriend. I felt it, way before I got that call. Something was just not right. I kept calling and calling, but got no answer. And I knew! I just knew that something bad had happened. I didn’t want to think in terms of death. Final. I thought maybe she was in hospital. But when I got the call, I felt like my head and heart exploded. I could not come to terms with this, and still think everyday about it.

I had bad dreams until the day I heard that her killer died of a stroke. The justice that could not be had on earth, was now given by GOD. I have little doubt where He is now.

Justin is so broken by this, and I know exactly how he feels. There are no words. The only thing that can be done is to be there for him. If he wants to talk, or just sit, I am there for him.
I know and share the pain he is feeling.

You want those closest to you to help you through it.

When Debra died, I had no one. My husband, basically left me to deal with this on my own.
He wouldn’t even go to the funeral with me. Nice guy huh? Aren’t I lucky he is gone.

Thankfully Justin has Pat’s family, and his other best friend is Pat’s brother Dan.
Justin and Dan will help each other through the dark days. They will never get over this.
But they will survive.

Today is a sad day.

Dating after marriage ends

At first glance, this seems so strange. When you are in a long term relationship you think that the dating world has ended for you, and thank God for that.

Dating can be stressful and difficult to get into. Especially if you are a woman and you are past 30.

Have things changed that much since the last time I was here? Do men really think it is expectable to touch you on the first date? Should I call him or should I wait for him to call me?

These are all things that go through your head when first you meet.

It is very different, than when you were younger. You are more conscious of what is and what is not desirable to you in a mate.

When in your 20’s it was all about chemistry. You weren’t necessarily thinking long term. Whatever felt right at the time was great, and go for it.
In your 30’s it was all about Mr Right. Who could you find to have children with [that is if you hadn’t already had them in your 20’s] and who would be your soul mate to share your life with.

When you divorce in your 50’s dating becomes a whole other thing.

It is now about trusting that the other person is who they say they are.

 And while chemistry is great, it isn’t all important. What the person’s life says about them, how they have treated their past relationships[because you tend to see a pattern in past relationships, I know I have one] where they want to be in the future. Because lets face it, your future is limited by time. As a woman, we don’t want to be doing this again in another 20 years.
So trust is essential.

Most women wont believe this, but there is a large population of men out there who want to date a woman older then them.
I am not really sure what I think about this. It is surely flattering, but is it real?

And then there is the financial aspect to all of this. You don’t want to date someone who is still trying to find their pot of gold.

In the past, I was willing to work with my ex’s toward a future together, and by that I mean financially. But having been bitten more than once by that dog, I find I don’t want to pet them anymore.
So that means that who I choose to develop a relationship with has to be self sufficient.

And then you want someone you can admire. Someone who is interesting, well spoken, has a zest for life. And looks really seem unimportant now.
Don’t get me wrong, a handsome face and a nice butt are great. But is that all there is to life?
Been down THAT road, and I assure you, it is not.

I was told by my soon to be ex-husband, that I was not able to change, had a negative outlook and something else that I cant remember that was said to demean.
I think that I have proven that to be false.

So here I am. Moving forward, with lots of opportunities. And a positive outlook on the future, and not afraid to put myself out there in this crazy dating world.
But THIS time I intend to be smarter, and more aware of whom I am trusting with my heart.

Waiting for the Rain

Southern California is an interesting place. Some days you wake up and it looks like it’s going to rain, it feel’s like it’s going to rain. There is a chill and a breeze in the air….but no rain.

Whatup with that? 

We could use some rain here. Dry hills, dry people. The plants and trees here look like it rains all the time.

Everywhere there are beautiful, colorful flowers and huge trees. But no rain. it all comes from waste water. 

My friend says she wants rain because she feels like it washes away the sins of the world.

Another person said they want rain so they don’t have to pay for a car wash.

I like the first analogy.

Up north of here, it DOES rain all the time. They say Carmel has moss growing on the roofs…cant wait to see if THATS true.  

Rain makes me think of my dad. He loved thunderstorms, as I do too.

The day of his funeral there was a HUGE thunderstorm. Thanks Dad!

People here don’t realize what a gift rain is. In other parts of the world rain brings on a celebration.

In the Hindu tradition, rain on your wedding day brings good luck.

In Southwest Nigeria Lightening is used as an instrument of warfare.

In Japan, some rain dance rituals occur in the early spring, but the REAL rain dance takes place at the end of summer, for the harvest and when the farmers are desperate.

The Salel of Tunisia is part of the arid zone that extends from Morocco to Afghanistan. The people of this region profess the religion of Islam. theirs views link divine power, human actions and rain are based on the Qur>an and are expressed in rain prayers. Opinion is widely held that a drought is caused by the injustice and ingratitude to GOD, and that if people repent of their sins GOD would send them rain.




In the SUKKOT, or harvest of the moon festival in autumn is also known as the Festival of Rain.

Although nowadays we often view rain as an interruption or an inconvenience, those that live off the earth embrace rain as life. Rain nurtures and sustains us. In Israel, where rain is unpredictable and only comes during the winter season, Sukkot became one of the most important holidays of the year, because that is where the Jewish people asked for rain to fall. For our students starting a new year, this new beginning seems as unpredictable as the rain, and there is an unconscious collective desire to be blessed with the same security that rain brings.

In its primal form, Sukkot was done with great joy and impressive pageantry. "In Temple times, the week-long celebration of Sukkot was one of the year's two major pilgrimage events (the other being Passover). Jews came from all over the world to bring their tithes to the Temple, and to join in the celebrations. There were many special events. Every morning, after the burning of the regular sacrifices, there was a water-pouring ceremony. An imposing procession brought water carried in golden vessels up to the Temple Mount where it was poured, along with wine, on the altar! Silver horns were blown, and flutes were played. The day was filled with the impressive presentation of the gift-offerings brought by pilgrims. After dark came the fire ceremonies. Torches were juggled, giant menorot were set ablaze, and even the priests' old garments were burned in bonfires. Sukkot scored a ten in spectacle.”

 In China, they have the Water Dragons. To bring rain, the dragons would fly up into the clouds. Storms are battling dragons. Droughts sleepy ones. Floods wrathful dragons.
The Dragon Dance preformed at Chinese New Year ceremonies now was originally a ritual done for rain making.


In India, the buddhist tradition is that Kingship and rainfall were linked. The king invoked rain when needed.


And in England the rainmaking rites at Gellion Well in West Glamorgan, the people danced on the green, throwing flowers and herbs, singing old ballads, playing “kiss the ring". Then the group leader would go to the well and cry out 3 times “bring us rain” Looks like it worked!


And of course here in the US the Hopi Indians are famous for their rain dancing.


It is fascinating how the world views rain and water.  


Just remember that on your next rainy day and you want to complain about it.

Truth, Justice and the American Way

I am a proud American.
I grew being told that this country was blessed by God and was founded on principals that were undeniably right and just. And that  others want to come here because we are somehow “special”. After all, my own grandparents came here from Ireland to escape the hardship and injustice that was perpetrated on the Irish people for centuries because of their religion.

But recently I have come to realize that something has shifted.
That there is a bad wind blowing here that we may not be able to over come. There is a blood lust that the media, and so called talking heads have convinced the public to accept, and really to rely on. That what they say is Gospel, and that no other thought is truth.

The media is full of 24 hours of stories that don’t make people feel proud to be human. Of war, and murder and child abuse. Of politicians who lie and cheat, and have no respect for the law or the people who voted them in, much less their wives. Of the Mel Gibson’s [who made a name for himself as a wholesome family man] who leave their families to have sex openly with those who obviously are using them to gain their own fame. Or the Lindsey Lohan, Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashians who can only gain fame by making a sex tape public, then go on to make millions as they are arrested multiple times for drunk driving, assault and other unsavory things that women should be ashamed to admit.

We cant let our children play out of our sights because we are afraid they may be kidnaped by some sicko that will hurt them in an unthinkable way.

We have phenomena of the “high profile murder trials”.

 O.J., Robert Blake, Scott Peterson, Anna Nichole Smith, Michael Jackson and now Casey Anthony.

The 24 hour reports of how these people murdered their loved ones, has made quite a few lawyers rich and famous by their expertise.

And after years of the lawyers paid by news outlets to give their opinion on the grisly evidence, and wild speculation  which the general public hangs on every word, the AMERICAN justice system, which consists of a jury of their peers, gives their verdict.
If that verdict goes against what the talking heads have proclaimed, the public is outraged.
The blood lust is not satisfied. We want these people DEAD! No matter that they got a trial.
No matter that the very justice system that this country proclaims to the rest of the world as the VERY BEST, we don’t like it. The jury was lazy, wicked, wrong, stupid.

This country is better than that. Isn’t it?

When Americans see the trial of Amanda Knox in Italy, they are outraged that she didn’t get a fair trial.
But the world KNOWS that Casey Anthony is guilty.

Someone on TV says that country has WMD’s, and we have to take them out. Ok, let’s rally around the flag and go bomb them for their own good.

WTF?

We are obsessed with those who we make into celebrity’s who we are sure are guilty of any number of offenses, and we want to see them brought down. Even to death.

But what about the people in this world who genuinely need our compassion and help.
Those that are subject to the evilness of war and everything that comes with that?
What about the people who put themselves on the line to try to make things right for those with no hope?

That is not news.

 No one cares. Certainly not  Nancy Grace, or Greta Van Sustren or any one of those other talking heads who live for the next O.J.

We are living in a time that is very precarious. Where earthquakes, and tsunamis and hurricanes can destroy whole nations. Where war and famine and evil governments take away that which makes us human. But we care more about what the media tells us is important then what our hearts should be telling us.

We need to refocus on what is important, instead of sitting in front of that stupid box, watching some sick people get the death penalty, and then cheering it on


Come on America, wake up. The rest of the world is waiting

When God gives you lemons…make lemonade

Starting over is not easy. And when you find yourself doing it in your 50’s, it is doubly hard.
When someone experiences death or betrayal, there are phase’s that you go through that can last years.
Each person reacts differently to whatever pain level that they are in. Grief has many faces.
Shock, disbelief, deep sadness, hope that this is all a dream and that things will eventually return to what they were, panic, anger. And eventually…. acceptance.
Friends and family may think that what you are feeling is not normal. It’s taking too long. You should get over it and not dwell on the pain that you are feeling.
Some people can go to a therapist, and that can help. Some go to a doctor and take medication.
But in these economic times that may not be financially possible. So you depend on the people around you, who you trust and love. This can only go on for so long. Because even though your pain remains, their patience may not. So the best thing to do is pick the people who are least critical and can help you through,
Pray that God will help you and just look to the future and KNOW it will be better, because you make it that way. And if you have a relapse, and find yourself feeling insecure and sad, try talking to yourself.
Pray for acceptance. And Forgiveness.

The Good, The Bad and The REALLY Ugly

California, as Johnny Carson always liked to say, is like a bowl of granola. What’s not fruits and nuts are flakes.

But it really is so much more. And I am finding that it has gotten a bad rap. So far here is what I have experienced….

The Bad can be so consuming if you focus on it. The bad and rude drivers can drive you to drink [and sorry to say does with many people, even WHILE they drive] the traffic is all people talk about. When to drive, on which road and what time is it because you want to stay off certain Hwys and find back roads that everyone else already know about, so they are crowded too.
I have driven in major cities all over the world. New York, Washington D.C.  Rome, London, Mombassa, Caracas, Miami, Detroit, Rio, Seattle, Auckland, Honolulu, but this city is the worst!

AND the awful road conditions.
Pot holes abound! Come on California, you could put thousands of people to work with just fixing the pot holes.

The homeless situation is very sad. Mostly because they are mentally unstable or lost their homes.
But you cannot help them, because they will get aggressive, then you really have a problem.
I have seen this before in many cities, and LA is right up there with all the other major populations around the world [except Mombassa, that is unbelievable]

The taxes are high, but they don’t seem to be enough to pay for anything [like the pot holes]

People here complain about the heat. Really people, I am from D.C.  It cant be worse than 100+ degrees and 100% humidity! Bring it on.

The REALLY Ugly is just that.
I have recently experienced Sunset Blvd at night! My new friend took me to the famous Rainbow Room on a Saturday night. I was totally not prepared for what that was.

First of all 50 some year old women should not be sitting in a bar anyway, but I digress.

I man came up to us who was obviously in his 50’s, over weight with bleached yellow hair [being a hair colorist of course that is the first thing I noticed] wearing some kind of leather out fit, with many pockets on his belt. I asked what as in all of those pockets, and he looked at me like I was from some other planet
[which frankly I might as well have been from since I had no knowledge of this kind of person]
He first pulled out his container of pot. Well ok, this is California, land of the medical marijuana stores.
Then the other containers of what ever drug he thought he might need.
THEN the handcuffs, and whip.
 Huh? I asked if he was a cop[because of the cuffs] or had he rode in on a horse?[the whip] and again I got that look of are you an alien? I told him to move on.
It wasn’t till the next day that my other friend told me he was into S&M and advertising to those that wanted to play, that I understood that look.

I was told that Sunset was a really seedy place and to stay away from it. No worries there. I have 0 interest in drinking or exploring the night life here unless it includes a museum, movie and great food.

Now, to the Good. And there is so much here that is good. The weather so far has been great [i.e: not D.C. in the summer] the city is so interesting with the beautiful architecture, and great restaurants, free museums, and cafe’s, small playhouses where you can see well know actors, and BIG movie theaters. Then you drive a short distance and you have beautiful mountains, beaches, deserts, small towns that are to say the least charming, rugged shorelines, dolphins swimming off the coast [reminding me of Maui] areas of shopping that can feel like you are in Italy, France, Germany, Mexico, Brazil, India, Africa, Britain, and so many other parts of the world. Hollywood and the whole world of the stars, fabulous homes, and great craftsman houses. And more.
You just have to experience it.

And not focus on the other.

On a different track, I have emailed my work bio to 2 top salons. One in Carmel, and the other in San Diego. And have gotten great interest in hiring me. I am making plans to travel to see both.
So more of the state to explore. And more for me to write in this blog.

See, I told you life is good and worth exploring. You just have to get up and do it.
Don’t focus all of your energy on the pain, or betrayal that can drag you down. Stuff happens.

Around the corner is something fabulous!

City Living

Living in the city, especially a mega city like La is interesting on so many levels. It has the architecture and the restaurants and the museums. Coffee shops and out door cafes. Pastry shops and the Flower mart.
And…it is only a few miles to a beautiful beach. Or if you want colder an hour to the mountains, same for the desert.

The trade off?

How about reams of homeless [even in Beverly Hills] and rude dangerous drivers. A crazy freeway system. Outrageous gas prices.
And lots of....color, as in people. I keep thinking “ I never saw anything like that before”.
The street cleaners try very hard but it is impossible to keep all of the streets clean.

Except Beverly Hills. That place is manicured.

I am going to take a trip up to San Fran and drive to Carmel to check that out.
There are job offers there I want to see. Just want to get a feel of what the weather is like too, and the housing.

They say the difference between San Fran vs La is like the difference between Mac vs PC

Well, if it is anything like my Mac, I am sold. I loovvvveee my Mac.
I don’t know why I didn’t switch earlier. It is much better for graphics. And it is easy to use and no bugs.
Plus the One on One for a year helps, so I can go in and they will help me on the spot at no extra cost.

So far I feel so much better here. No stress and beautiful weather. And lots of walking!

What else could you want? I keep looking for that perfect place.

How did I get here

As a friend said to me “It wasn’t easy.”

 It started a couple of years ago, when my best friend, partner and husband and I put together a salon business, so we would have some retirement in the near future.
Our deal with each other was that I would build the biz, and he would take care of the bill’s at home.
So I gambled and put up everything, home, land, credit, to make this happen. Since everything was in my name this was a huge thing for me. But I trusted that we would work together and make this a success.

Unfortunately, right after I opened I contracted swine flu and spent a month in bed recovering.
Then the economy went into a nose dive. Despite that the business was slowly building a name.
My husband lost his job, and decided to travel south to find work. He told me he would be gone for 2 weeks.

 He never came back.

I was holding things together as best as I could, and supported what he wanted to do, which was to work on boats. He did find some work, but when I needed money to pay bill’s he declined to support me.

That is when I knew that he had not left for work. But left his/our life together. That and the fact that he stopped talking to me. We emailed back and forth, but for 2 people who talked to each other 10 times a day on the phone, this was a huge sign that he had moved on.

He later told me that he didn’t have it in him to support a wife.[never mind that in 17 years I supported every business he wanted to start, and worked my ass off to make sure that things were payed and we could travel extensively].

I spent a year and a half in bed [other than working] trying to come to terms with the destruction of my world. Trying to pay all the debt that I was now saddled with. With no explanation as to why, as he didn’t have the ball’s to tell me.

Interesting how you can spend close to 20 years with someone and not really know them.

2 years after he left, I got sick again. Only this time I almost died. I spent a month in bed and could not eat ANYTHING. I could barely drink water. After going to hospital, as I was dehydrated and lost 20 lbs it was finally determined that I had something called c-def. This is something that usually will kill you, but I survived.

 It was then that I realized that God had another plan for me.

When I went back to work it became really clear that I could no longer hold all of those ball’s up in the air.
I lost my business and home and everything that I worked 20 years for.

So I pulled myself together and sold everything I could, and took what little savings that I had, including my 401k and moved.

As it turns out, my son’s father came to my rescue. He showed up with a truck and our son and moved what I had left into him basement. And offered me sanctuary in his home for how ever long I needed it.
His girlfriend welcomed me with open arms. Who does that? Only your true friends and family.

I decided to start over in an all new place. So I put everything I could carry in my car with my dog, Dylan, and started on the journey of my life.

 My new life.

And the rest is this blog history.

Now, here I am in California living a life that is stress free.
Working on creating a great future.
As a hairdresser I have never had trouble with finding a job, and have many offers to choose from.

And my former husband? He is living in the the same house he grew up in, in a small midwest town with his 80+ yr old father and his new girlfriend. How’s that working for you?

I believe that things happen for a reason. And now to look back on all of that I realize it had to happen for me to move into this new life that I love. And to become wiser about who to trust.

So many people who have read this blog, or who I have met have said they think me to be very brave.
To walk away from everything and drive alone across the country to start over.
I don’t see myself that way.
I see it as survival.

And that with a faith that God had a special place for me if I would just let go.

Pasadena is flirting with me

Could there BE a more charming city in this part of California? Great architecture, cute shops, plenty of nice restaurants, beautiful craftsman homes on well kept tree lined streets, wonderful old churches, 15 miles from downtown LA, AND…view of snow capped mountains in the winter.
Also good public transportation

Hard to beat.

The weather here right now is perfect. In the morning it is in the low 60’s and the afternoon mid 70’s.
Where as my friends on the east coast are sweating it out with 90+ degrees and high humidity already.
What ever happened to Spring?? It moved to California! Everything is blooming here.

The best part is this is a serious dog state. By that I mean there are dogs everywhere. Most of the rentals here allow dogs,[did you hear that Dylan?] you see people on the streets and shopping areas with their dogs. Even signs that say if you abandon a dog on the street you WILL go to jail! Yeah.

Now don’t get me wrong, there are things here that are negatives. I just haven’t experienced them yet.
Earthquakes [yikes] fires, lots of homeless, high gas prices[I did experience that] high taxes….
But I guess it is a tradeoff.

So far I am willing to trade.