Truth, Justice and the American Way

I am a proud American.
I grew being told that this country was blessed by God and was founded on principals that were undeniably right and just. And that  others want to come here because we are somehow “special”. After all, my own grandparents came here from Ireland to escape the hardship and injustice that was perpetrated on the Irish people for centuries because of their religion.

But recently I have come to realize that something has shifted.
That there is a bad wind blowing here that we may not be able to over come. There is a blood lust that the media, and so called talking heads have convinced the public to accept, and really to rely on. That what they say is Gospel, and that no other thought is truth.

The media is full of 24 hours of stories that don’t make people feel proud to be human. Of war, and murder and child abuse. Of politicians who lie and cheat, and have no respect for the law or the people who voted them in, much less their wives. Of the Mel Gibson’s [who made a name for himself as a wholesome family man] who leave their families to have sex openly with those who obviously are using them to gain their own fame. Or the Lindsey Lohan, Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashians who can only gain fame by making a sex tape public, then go on to make millions as they are arrested multiple times for drunk driving, assault and other unsavory things that women should be ashamed to admit.

We cant let our children play out of our sights because we are afraid they may be kidnaped by some sicko that will hurt them in an unthinkable way.

We have phenomena of the “high profile murder trials”.

 O.J., Robert Blake, Scott Peterson, Anna Nichole Smith, Michael Jackson and now Casey Anthony.

The 24 hour reports of how these people murdered their loved ones, has made quite a few lawyers rich and famous by their expertise.

And after years of the lawyers paid by news outlets to give their opinion on the grisly evidence, and wild speculation  which the general public hangs on every word, the AMERICAN justice system, which consists of a jury of their peers, gives their verdict.
If that verdict goes against what the talking heads have proclaimed, the public is outraged.
The blood lust is not satisfied. We want these people DEAD! No matter that they got a trial.
No matter that the very justice system that this country proclaims to the rest of the world as the VERY BEST, we don’t like it. The jury was lazy, wicked, wrong, stupid.

This country is better than that. Isn’t it?

When Americans see the trial of Amanda Knox in Italy, they are outraged that she didn’t get a fair trial.
But the world KNOWS that Casey Anthony is guilty.

Someone on TV says that country has WMD’s, and we have to take them out. Ok, let’s rally around the flag and go bomb them for their own good.

WTF?

We are obsessed with those who we make into celebrity’s who we are sure are guilty of any number of offenses, and we want to see them brought down. Even to death.

But what about the people in this world who genuinely need our compassion and help.
Those that are subject to the evilness of war and everything that comes with that?
What about the people who put themselves on the line to try to make things right for those with no hope?

That is not news.

 No one cares. Certainly not  Nancy Grace, or Greta Van Sustren or any one of those other talking heads who live for the next O.J.

We are living in a time that is very precarious. Where earthquakes, and tsunamis and hurricanes can destroy whole nations. Where war and famine and evil governments take away that which makes us human. But we care more about what the media tells us is important then what our hearts should be telling us.

We need to refocus on what is important, instead of sitting in front of that stupid box, watching some sick people get the death penalty, and then cheering it on


Come on America, wake up. The rest of the world is waiting

When God gives you lemons…make lemonade

Starting over is not easy. And when you find yourself doing it in your 50’s, it is doubly hard.
When someone experiences death or betrayal, there are phase’s that you go through that can last years.
Each person reacts differently to whatever pain level that they are in. Grief has many faces.
Shock, disbelief, deep sadness, hope that this is all a dream and that things will eventually return to what they were, panic, anger. And eventually…. acceptance.
Friends and family may think that what you are feeling is not normal. It’s taking too long. You should get over it and not dwell on the pain that you are feeling.
Some people can go to a therapist, and that can help. Some go to a doctor and take medication.
But in these economic times that may not be financially possible. So you depend on the people around you, who you trust and love. This can only go on for so long. Because even though your pain remains, their patience may not. So the best thing to do is pick the people who are least critical and can help you through,
Pray that God will help you and just look to the future and KNOW it will be better, because you make it that way. And if you have a relapse, and find yourself feeling insecure and sad, try talking to yourself.
Pray for acceptance. And Forgiveness.

The Good, The Bad and The REALLY Ugly

California, as Johnny Carson always liked to say, is like a bowl of granola. What’s not fruits and nuts are flakes.

But it really is so much more. And I am finding that it has gotten a bad rap. So far here is what I have experienced….

The Bad can be so consuming if you focus on it. The bad and rude drivers can drive you to drink [and sorry to say does with many people, even WHILE they drive] the traffic is all people talk about. When to drive, on which road and what time is it because you want to stay off certain Hwys and find back roads that everyone else already know about, so they are crowded too.
I have driven in major cities all over the world. New York, Washington D.C.  Rome, London, Mombassa, Caracas, Miami, Detroit, Rio, Seattle, Auckland, Honolulu, but this city is the worst!

AND the awful road conditions.
Pot holes abound! Come on California, you could put thousands of people to work with just fixing the pot holes.

The homeless situation is very sad. Mostly because they are mentally unstable or lost their homes.
But you cannot help them, because they will get aggressive, then you really have a problem.
I have seen this before in many cities, and LA is right up there with all the other major populations around the world [except Mombassa, that is unbelievable]

The taxes are high, but they don’t seem to be enough to pay for anything [like the pot holes]

People here complain about the heat. Really people, I am from D.C.  It cant be worse than 100+ degrees and 100% humidity! Bring it on.

The REALLY Ugly is just that.
I have recently experienced Sunset Blvd at night! My new friend took me to the famous Rainbow Room on a Saturday night. I was totally not prepared for what that was.

First of all 50 some year old women should not be sitting in a bar anyway, but I digress.

I man came up to us who was obviously in his 50’s, over weight with bleached yellow hair [being a hair colorist of course that is the first thing I noticed] wearing some kind of leather out fit, with many pockets on his belt. I asked what as in all of those pockets, and he looked at me like I was from some other planet
[which frankly I might as well have been from since I had no knowledge of this kind of person]
He first pulled out his container of pot. Well ok, this is California, land of the medical marijuana stores.
Then the other containers of what ever drug he thought he might need.
THEN the handcuffs, and whip.
 Huh? I asked if he was a cop[because of the cuffs] or had he rode in on a horse?[the whip] and again I got that look of are you an alien? I told him to move on.
It wasn’t till the next day that my other friend told me he was into S&M and advertising to those that wanted to play, that I understood that look.

I was told that Sunset was a really seedy place and to stay away from it. No worries there. I have 0 interest in drinking or exploring the night life here unless it includes a museum, movie and great food.

Now, to the Good. And there is so much here that is good. The weather so far has been great [i.e: not D.C. in the summer] the city is so interesting with the beautiful architecture, and great restaurants, free museums, and cafe’s, small playhouses where you can see well know actors, and BIG movie theaters. Then you drive a short distance and you have beautiful mountains, beaches, deserts, small towns that are to say the least charming, rugged shorelines, dolphins swimming off the coast [reminding me of Maui] areas of shopping that can feel like you are in Italy, France, Germany, Mexico, Brazil, India, Africa, Britain, and so many other parts of the world. Hollywood and the whole world of the stars, fabulous homes, and great craftsman houses. And more.
You just have to experience it.

And not focus on the other.

On a different track, I have emailed my work bio to 2 top salons. One in Carmel, and the other in San Diego. And have gotten great interest in hiring me. I am making plans to travel to see both.
So more of the state to explore. And more for me to write in this blog.

See, I told you life is good and worth exploring. You just have to get up and do it.
Don’t focus all of your energy on the pain, or betrayal that can drag you down. Stuff happens.

Around the corner is something fabulous!

City Living

Living in the city, especially a mega city like La is interesting on so many levels. It has the architecture and the restaurants and the museums. Coffee shops and out door cafes. Pastry shops and the Flower mart.
And…it is only a few miles to a beautiful beach. Or if you want colder an hour to the mountains, same for the desert.

The trade off?

How about reams of homeless [even in Beverly Hills] and rude dangerous drivers. A crazy freeway system. Outrageous gas prices.
And lots of....color, as in people. I keep thinking “ I never saw anything like that before”.
The street cleaners try very hard but it is impossible to keep all of the streets clean.

Except Beverly Hills. That place is manicured.

I am going to take a trip up to San Fran and drive to Carmel to check that out.
There are job offers there I want to see. Just want to get a feel of what the weather is like too, and the housing.

They say the difference between San Fran vs La is like the difference between Mac vs PC

Well, if it is anything like my Mac, I am sold. I loovvvveee my Mac.
I don’t know why I didn’t switch earlier. It is much better for graphics. And it is easy to use and no bugs.
Plus the One on One for a year helps, so I can go in and they will help me on the spot at no extra cost.

So far I feel so much better here. No stress and beautiful weather. And lots of walking!

What else could you want? I keep looking for that perfect place.

How did I get here

As a friend said to me “It wasn’t easy.”

 It started a couple of years ago, when my best friend, partner and husband and I put together a salon business, so we would have some retirement in the near future.
Our deal with each other was that I would build the biz, and he would take care of the bill’s at home.
So I gambled and put up everything, home, land, credit, to make this happen. Since everything was in my name this was a huge thing for me. But I trusted that we would work together and make this a success.

Unfortunately, right after I opened I contracted swine flu and spent a month in bed recovering.
Then the economy went into a nose dive. Despite that the business was slowly building a name.
My husband lost his job, and decided to travel south to find work. He told me he would be gone for 2 weeks.

 He never came back.

I was holding things together as best as I could, and supported what he wanted to do, which was to work on boats. He did find some work, but when I needed money to pay bill’s he declined to support me.

That is when I knew that he had not left for work. But left his/our life together. That and the fact that he stopped talking to me. We emailed back and forth, but for 2 people who talked to each other 10 times a day on the phone, this was a huge sign that he had moved on.

He later told me that he didn’t have it in him to support a wife.[never mind that in 17 years I supported every business he wanted to start, and worked my ass off to make sure that things were payed and we could travel extensively].

I spent a year and a half in bed [other than working] trying to come to terms with the destruction of my world. Trying to pay all the debt that I was now saddled with. With no explanation as to why, as he didn’t have the ball’s to tell me.

Interesting how you can spend close to 20 years with someone and not really know them.

2 years after he left, I got sick again. Only this time I almost died. I spent a month in bed and could not eat ANYTHING. I could barely drink water. After going to hospital, as I was dehydrated and lost 20 lbs it was finally determined that I had something called c-def. This is something that usually will kill you, but I survived.

 It was then that I realized that God had another plan for me.

When I went back to work it became really clear that I could no longer hold all of those ball’s up in the air.
I lost my business and home and everything that I worked 20 years for.

So I pulled myself together and sold everything I could, and took what little savings that I had, including my 401k and moved.

As it turns out, my son’s father came to my rescue. He showed up with a truck and our son and moved what I had left into him basement. And offered me sanctuary in his home for how ever long I needed it.
His girlfriend welcomed me with open arms. Who does that? Only your true friends and family.

I decided to start over in an all new place. So I put everything I could carry in my car with my dog, Dylan, and started on the journey of my life.

 My new life.

And the rest is this blog history.

Now, here I am in California living a life that is stress free.
Working on creating a great future.
As a hairdresser I have never had trouble with finding a job, and have many offers to choose from.

And my former husband? He is living in the the same house he grew up in, in a small midwest town with his 80+ yr old father and his new girlfriend. How’s that working for you?

I believe that things happen for a reason. And now to look back on all of that I realize it had to happen for me to move into this new life that I love. And to become wiser about who to trust.

So many people who have read this blog, or who I have met have said they think me to be very brave.
To walk away from everything and drive alone across the country to start over.
I don’t see myself that way.
I see it as survival.

And that with a faith that God had a special place for me if I would just let go.

Pasadena is flirting with me

Could there BE a more charming city in this part of California? Great architecture, cute shops, plenty of nice restaurants, beautiful craftsman homes on well kept tree lined streets, wonderful old churches, 15 miles from downtown LA, AND…view of snow capped mountains in the winter.
Also good public transportation

Hard to beat.

The weather here right now is perfect. In the morning it is in the low 60’s and the afternoon mid 70’s.
Where as my friends on the east coast are sweating it out with 90+ degrees and high humidity already.
What ever happened to Spring?? It moved to California! Everything is blooming here.

The best part is this is a serious dog state. By that I mean there are dogs everywhere. Most of the rentals here allow dogs,[did you hear that Dylan?] you see people on the streets and shopping areas with their dogs. Even signs that say if you abandon a dog on the street you WILL go to jail! Yeah.

Now don’t get me wrong, there are things here that are negatives. I just haven’t experienced them yet.
Earthquakes [yikes] fires, lots of homeless, high gas prices[I did experience that] high taxes….
But I guess it is a tradeoff.

So far I am willing to trade.

Deal Breakers

It was brought to my attention that when describing what I was looking for in a mate, I left out some REALLY important things. Deal breakers really. Like being financially stable. Like being faithful and trustworthy. Like having a faith in something and not being paranoid that the government was out to GET you and paying taxes is important for a future.

Those things are my deal breakers [as well as cheating because when you truly love someone you don’t do that to them]

What are YOUR deal breakers?

 I have had a problem in the past with trying to fix the men I have been with. I tend to totally trust until they show that they are not trustworthy. And then I give them another chance.
Because I think I love them. And I believed that they loved me. [That is just plain stupid.]

Bad idea!

Never give another chance, because they have already showed you that they have no respect for you. And they cant possibly be in love with you no matter what they say.

 Have some respect for your self, and move on.

I am coming to all this late in life. Better late then never.

I am telling you all this, as I want to help other women know that they are not alone.
That there is life after and it can be better than what you had.

And if you don’t meet someone else to share your life…get a dog!
They are the most loyal, protective, kind, loving creatures.
And if you have to support someone, why not a dog.

I’m just saying...