When God gives you lemons…make lemonade

Starting over is not easy. And when you find yourself doing it in your 50’s, it is doubly hard.
When someone experiences death or betrayal, there are phase’s that you go through that can last years.
Each person reacts differently to whatever pain level that they are in. Grief has many faces.
Shock, disbelief, deep sadness, hope that this is all a dream and that things will eventually return to what they were, panic, anger. And eventually…. acceptance.
Friends and family may think that what you are feeling is not normal. It’s taking too long. You should get over it and not dwell on the pain that you are feeling.
Some people can go to a therapist, and that can help. Some go to a doctor and take medication.
But in these economic times that may not be financially possible. So you depend on the people around you, who you trust and love. This can only go on for so long. Because even though your pain remains, their patience may not. So the best thing to do is pick the people who are least critical and can help you through,
Pray that God will help you and just look to the future and KNOW it will be better, because you make it that way. And if you have a relapse, and find yourself feeling insecure and sad, try talking to yourself.
Pray for acceptance. And Forgiveness.

The Good, The Bad and The REALLY Ugly

California, as Johnny Carson always liked to say, is like a bowl of granola. What’s not fruits and nuts are flakes.

But it really is so much more. And I am finding that it has gotten a bad rap. So far here is what I have experienced….

The Bad can be so consuming if you focus on it. The bad and rude drivers can drive you to drink [and sorry to say does with many people, even WHILE they drive] the traffic is all people talk about. When to drive, on which road and what time is it because you want to stay off certain Hwys and find back roads that everyone else already know about, so they are crowded too.
I have driven in major cities all over the world. New York, Washington D.C.  Rome, London, Mombassa, Caracas, Miami, Detroit, Rio, Seattle, Auckland, Honolulu, but this city is the worst!

AND the awful road conditions.
Pot holes abound! Come on California, you could put thousands of people to work with just fixing the pot holes.

The homeless situation is very sad. Mostly because they are mentally unstable or lost their homes.
But you cannot help them, because they will get aggressive, then you really have a problem.
I have seen this before in many cities, and LA is right up there with all the other major populations around the world [except Mombassa, that is unbelievable]

The taxes are high, but they don’t seem to be enough to pay for anything [like the pot holes]

People here complain about the heat. Really people, I am from D.C.  It cant be worse than 100+ degrees and 100% humidity! Bring it on.

The REALLY Ugly is just that.
I have recently experienced Sunset Blvd at night! My new friend took me to the famous Rainbow Room on a Saturday night. I was totally not prepared for what that was.

First of all 50 some year old women should not be sitting in a bar anyway, but I digress.

I man came up to us who was obviously in his 50’s, over weight with bleached yellow hair [being a hair colorist of course that is the first thing I noticed] wearing some kind of leather out fit, with many pockets on his belt. I asked what as in all of those pockets, and he looked at me like I was from some other planet
[which frankly I might as well have been from since I had no knowledge of this kind of person]
He first pulled out his container of pot. Well ok, this is California, land of the medical marijuana stores.
Then the other containers of what ever drug he thought he might need.
THEN the handcuffs, and whip.
 Huh? I asked if he was a cop[because of the cuffs] or had he rode in on a horse?[the whip] and again I got that look of are you an alien? I told him to move on.
It wasn’t till the next day that my other friend told me he was into S&M and advertising to those that wanted to play, that I understood that look.

I was told that Sunset was a really seedy place and to stay away from it. No worries there. I have 0 interest in drinking or exploring the night life here unless it includes a museum, movie and great food.

Now, to the Good. And there is so much here that is good. The weather so far has been great [i.e: not D.C. in the summer] the city is so interesting with the beautiful architecture, and great restaurants, free museums, and cafe’s, small playhouses where you can see well know actors, and BIG movie theaters. Then you drive a short distance and you have beautiful mountains, beaches, deserts, small towns that are to say the least charming, rugged shorelines, dolphins swimming off the coast [reminding me of Maui] areas of shopping that can feel like you are in Italy, France, Germany, Mexico, Brazil, India, Africa, Britain, and so many other parts of the world. Hollywood and the whole world of the stars, fabulous homes, and great craftsman houses. And more.
You just have to experience it.

And not focus on the other.

On a different track, I have emailed my work bio to 2 top salons. One in Carmel, and the other in San Diego. And have gotten great interest in hiring me. I am making plans to travel to see both.
So more of the state to explore. And more for me to write in this blog.

See, I told you life is good and worth exploring. You just have to get up and do it.
Don’t focus all of your energy on the pain, or betrayal that can drag you down. Stuff happens.

Around the corner is something fabulous!

City Living

Living in the city, especially a mega city like La is interesting on so many levels. It has the architecture and the restaurants and the museums. Coffee shops and out door cafes. Pastry shops and the Flower mart.
And…it is only a few miles to a beautiful beach. Or if you want colder an hour to the mountains, same for the desert.

The trade off?

How about reams of homeless [even in Beverly Hills] and rude dangerous drivers. A crazy freeway system. Outrageous gas prices.
And lots of....color, as in people. I keep thinking “ I never saw anything like that before”.
The street cleaners try very hard but it is impossible to keep all of the streets clean.

Except Beverly Hills. That place is manicured.

I am going to take a trip up to San Fran and drive to Carmel to check that out.
There are job offers there I want to see. Just want to get a feel of what the weather is like too, and the housing.

They say the difference between San Fran vs La is like the difference between Mac vs PC

Well, if it is anything like my Mac, I am sold. I loovvvveee my Mac.
I don’t know why I didn’t switch earlier. It is much better for graphics. And it is easy to use and no bugs.
Plus the One on One for a year helps, so I can go in and they will help me on the spot at no extra cost.

So far I feel so much better here. No stress and beautiful weather. And lots of walking!

What else could you want? I keep looking for that perfect place.

How did I get here

As a friend said to me “It wasn’t easy.”

 It started a couple of years ago, when my best friend, partner and husband and I put together a salon business, so we would have some retirement in the near future.
Our deal with each other was that I would build the biz, and he would take care of the bill’s at home.
So I gambled and put up everything, home, land, credit, to make this happen. Since everything was in my name this was a huge thing for me. But I trusted that we would work together and make this a success.

Unfortunately, right after I opened I contracted swine flu and spent a month in bed recovering.
Then the economy went into a nose dive. Despite that the business was slowly building a name.
My husband lost his job, and decided to travel south to find work. He told me he would be gone for 2 weeks.

 He never came back.

I was holding things together as best as I could, and supported what he wanted to do, which was to work on boats. He did find some work, but when I needed money to pay bill’s he declined to support me.

That is when I knew that he had not left for work. But left his/our life together. That and the fact that he stopped talking to me. We emailed back and forth, but for 2 people who talked to each other 10 times a day on the phone, this was a huge sign that he had moved on.

He later told me that he didn’t have it in him to support a wife.[never mind that in 17 years I supported every business he wanted to start, and worked my ass off to make sure that things were payed and we could travel extensively].

I spent a year and a half in bed [other than working] trying to come to terms with the destruction of my world. Trying to pay all the debt that I was now saddled with. With no explanation as to why, as he didn’t have the ball’s to tell me.

Interesting how you can spend close to 20 years with someone and not really know them.

2 years after he left, I got sick again. Only this time I almost died. I spent a month in bed and could not eat ANYTHING. I could barely drink water. After going to hospital, as I was dehydrated and lost 20 lbs it was finally determined that I had something called c-def. This is something that usually will kill you, but I survived.

 It was then that I realized that God had another plan for me.

When I went back to work it became really clear that I could no longer hold all of those ball’s up in the air.
I lost my business and home and everything that I worked 20 years for.

So I pulled myself together and sold everything I could, and took what little savings that I had, including my 401k and moved.

As it turns out, my son’s father came to my rescue. He showed up with a truck and our son and moved what I had left into him basement. And offered me sanctuary in his home for how ever long I needed it.
His girlfriend welcomed me with open arms. Who does that? Only your true friends and family.

I decided to start over in an all new place. So I put everything I could carry in my car with my dog, Dylan, and started on the journey of my life.

 My new life.

And the rest is this blog history.

Now, here I am in California living a life that is stress free.
Working on creating a great future.
As a hairdresser I have never had trouble with finding a job, and have many offers to choose from.

And my former husband? He is living in the the same house he grew up in, in a small midwest town with his 80+ yr old father and his new girlfriend. How’s that working for you?

I believe that things happen for a reason. And now to look back on all of that I realize it had to happen for me to move into this new life that I love. And to become wiser about who to trust.

So many people who have read this blog, or who I have met have said they think me to be very brave.
To walk away from everything and drive alone across the country to start over.
I don’t see myself that way.
I see it as survival.

And that with a faith that God had a special place for me if I would just let go.