End of an Era

I received divorce papers last week.

When someone tell’s you time heals all wounds, they are so right. If this happened last year, I would have been so broken. But today, although really sad, I know that I will not only survive I will thrive.

You cant spend close to 20 yrs with someone and not miss them.
I have weathered the storm, and am loosing the anger, moving forward in forgiveness.

Without that my future would be scarred.

This is due to making myself change. Moving away was the first step.
This journey was to heal, and find my destiny.

Well, it looks like that is in California. In Carmel, on the Monterey coast.

Wow!

Since I arrived here I have been looking for the right spot for Dylan and me.

First I thought San Diego. It is beautiful, great weather, very artsy. Somehow I didn’t feel it.
I couldn’t SEE myself there. At least right now.

Then Santa Monica, Beverly Hills, Hollywood area.
I REALLY love Santa Monica.
But again I didn’t see my life there. I looked for a job there, and could easily have gotten one, but for what I would pay in rent it would be tough for a while. It has great weather, the beach and lot’s going on.
My job is commission and I would be struggling for a while, as there are so many hair stylist there.

So I am going to try Carmel and the area around there.

I believe in signs. And I have to say this seems to me to be a great sign that I have arrived at the place that God wanted me to be.

And for the first time in 3 years, I am happy.

So for all those that read this blog, that are going through a bad time.
Just let go.
All of those things that we are afraid to loose, all of the pain from divorce and having your life turned upside down, just let the spirit lead you.

Because you can not do it alone.

What are the chances that I would leave my life, drive out west [having never been here before].
Find a great job [in this bad economy] already have friends here and make new friends and be offered a safe place to live with my best friend Dylan [my border collie]?

Last year I could not get out of bed because the pain was too much.
The massive debt and struggle to hold on to my home and business were devastating.
It all made me sick. To the point I almost died. I couldn’t eat for a month. I lost 20 lb.’s.

But it was not my time yet. God has other plans for me. And I guess it is in California!

So now although I am sad that my marriage is over, I look forward to my future.
And it looks better than ever.

Thanks to all of my friends and family that have given me their support and love.
But most of all I give thanks to God for giving me the strength to make this happen.

When life stands still

Last night the stars became dimmer in my world.

 My son Justin, who is visiting me in LA, got a call that his best friend was stabbed to death by a 17 yr old who came to his apt to rob him. Pat, who is blind was the kindest soul. Having lost his sight when he was 18 to eye disease, Pat went on to collage, had just finished his degree and was looking forward to buying his first home.

The world stood still for a second, while we tried to process this. But how can you?
On a breath our lives have been changed forever. And the pain of that is indescribable.

July 18 2006 my world was changed in the same way when my best friend was murdered by her boyfriend. I felt it, way before I got that call. Something was just not right. I kept calling and calling, but got no answer. And I knew! I just knew that something bad had happened. I didn’t want to think in terms of death. Final. I thought maybe she was in hospital. But when I got the call, I felt like my head and heart exploded. I could not come to terms with this, and still think everyday about it.

I had bad dreams until the day I heard that her killer died of a stroke. The justice that could not be had on earth, was now given by GOD. I have little doubt where He is now.

Justin is so broken by this, and I know exactly how he feels. There are no words. The only thing that can be done is to be there for him. If he wants to talk, or just sit, I am there for him.
I know and share the pain he is feeling.

You want those closest to you to help you through it.

When Debra died, I had no one. My husband, basically left me to deal with this on my own.
He wouldn’t even go to the funeral with me. Nice guy huh? Aren’t I lucky he is gone.

Thankfully Justin has Pat’s family, and his other best friend is Pat’s brother Dan.
Justin and Dan will help each other through the dark days. They will never get over this.
But they will survive.

Today is a sad day.